Thoughts

Im having another one of my turns at the moment. Things in my life are busy and at times too tireing for me.

Ive been doing lots of cayacking with Steve and now i can roll over without a paddle! GO ME! He has a canoe polo comp in a few days so we were in the pool most days with Ed joining us on occasion. Its been a good laugha nd ive really enjoyed the exercise and fun. I dont liek it when too many people come in tho and i will sneak out if that happens but it makes me feel defeated because i shouldnt leave for something silly like a few extra people joining in.

I also went to see Switchfoot last night in Perth! The gig was amazing! Verra Cruise were more my scene and wished the had longer than just half an hour as they were awesome!!

Ive been wondering what my purpose is in being here and if i really should stay for another year. I dont see the point in staying 'just because' but i only want to stay if there is a real purpose for me here and at the moment i cant find it.

Being here makes me realise all the things i missed out on because of my upbringing. Sometimes i have found myself wishing i had just been brought up in a 'normal' loving family who encouraged me rather than destroyed me. Maybe then i would have had the confidence to og to Uni or to look for a career and not freak out at silly things like doing group activities. We had house fellowship on Wednesday and im in a different group now. I like my group but it was all about being rejected and families and i felt very out of place and just sat in silence the whole nght. Nathan said (innocently) that sometiems he wishes he had a more dramatic testimoney (after watching nobody's child) I sat there thinking that he could have mine because i would swap ina second just to have a day of being 'normal' and not analyzing every thought or feeling that comes my way.